Andrew started his senior year of high school last week and I’m struggling with him being home for only one more year before he heads off to college. I really want to make the most of this year and the time we have left with him living with us but life is so busy! I know I’m going to blink and the year is going to be over so I’m going to be very intentional because the window is closing on the time we have left with him in our home.

One of the things I am going to miss the most is late night talks in the kitchen as he eats his umpteenth meal of the day before bed. I am going to cherish every single one of those this year and make myself available for as many as possible.

Hannah started her freshman year of high school and while I’m so thankful I still have 4 years with her I know it is going to fly by and her senior year will be here in the blink of an eye.

A few years ago I was struggling to connect to Andrew & Hannah. I couldn’t put my finger on it but they weren’t talking to me and there was this distance with them. Andrew wasn’t making the best life choices and there was so much tension. I downloaded the audiobook ‘5 Love Languages of Teenagers’ after a friend recommended it. I had read the original book years before so I understood the concept and didn’t think I’d hear anything new but was willing to do anything to reconnect with my teenagers. Let me tell you I learned so much and immediately began to apply what he was talking about. It didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work. But in time they started to respond to me and talk to me. I mean really talk to me. It was slow but something beautiful was happening.

I changed many things but one of the biggest things I did was I stopped being too busy for them. I was raised that kids were a nuisance and my parents always acted irritated with us. They rarely ever took the time to talk with us one on one and there was no real connection. Yes they had 8 kids, I can’t imagine raising that many, but in my opinion it’s not an excuse. Kids need their parents to care and listen. Well if you’re not intentional you raise your kids the way you were raised.

So here’s some vulnerability and ugly, raw truth. When I was building my business from 2014 – 2017 I put my business before my kids. Ugh! It hurts to say it. I remember them coming in my office after school and me shooing them out so I could get back to work. I would get irritated if they interrupted me when I was working and I wasn’t nice about it. I treated them like they were a nuisance. I was so self-absorbed and business minded that I would sometimes go on work trips and not call for a day or 2. In my mind I thought if they needed me and wanted to talk that they would call me. But instead I was telling them I didn’t care about them by not checking in on them. I have so much regret but I can’t look back and can only look forward and choose each day to be a little better than I was yesterday.

A few weeks ago Andrew shared with me that years ago he didn’t think we cared about him. Talk about knife to the chest. I was heartbroken. I asked him if he felt loved & cared about now and he said yes. Praise God! We talked about how things were with our relationship before and now & I thank God that I was teachable and willing to make the changes.

I am far from perfect. I lose my shit. I don’t always respond the way I would like to. I get frustrated. I’m sometimes too busy that I miss them needing me to talk with them. But now I’m intentional about praying every single day for God to help me be an exceptional mom & help me in being exactly what my kids need me to be each day.

If your teenager isn’t talking to you then I encourage you to read the book, don’t just assume you understand how to love your teenagers the way they need to be loved. It’s never too late or a relationship too far gone to make the changes. Your teen is worth it!

If you have little ones then go get the book ‘5 Love Languages of Kids’ and don’t just read it but really apply what you learn. They are worth it and you want to build a solid foundation in your relationship with them.

Raising kids is hard! Raising teenagers is even harder!! We are all going to mess it up, we’re human and far from perfect. But what we can do is be intentional. We can be selfless. And know that it’s just a season because before you know it you blink your eyes and your oldest is in his senior year of high school and you would give anything to go back and be intentional every single day of his life.

Cherish each moment because like they say… the days are long but the years are short. Before you know it your window will close and you want to have as little regret as possible.